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Year A Matt 18:15-20 9/10/23
Grace to you and peace from our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.
Here we are on this exciting God’s Work our Hands Sunday. This is our denomination’s day to serve our communities in God’s name. It’s also a day when we've reached out to the church community and invited folks back to worship, back to fellowship, back to each other after the summer months.
And yet, we’re faced with some of Jesus’ most challenging words today... and they only get more daunting next week. Sometimes we wish Jesus would just play the good shepherd and leave us to simply follow as his sheep. But even following in his footsteps can be more complicated than we realize–because Jesus goes places we don’t always want to go. The focus in our readings today is: love and conflict. Sometimes it can feel like a stretch to notice the ways our gospel applies to our lives. How can a book, though the living and inspired word of God, speak to us in the year 2023? This gospel today is not one of those far off words–in fact it can feel too close to home for some.
If we’re honest with ourselves, when we hear Jesus’ guidance for conflict resolution, we may be able to picture certain people we struggle with in our lives. Maybe our minds replay arguments or miscommunications that keep us up at night. Thankfully, we can gain a little bit of comfortable distance from our text today by looking at it in its context.
We can ask the questions, why was Jesus laying out steps for someone to be reconciled to the community? Where did this come from? How did someone get lost in the first place?
Last week we heard Jesus speak harsh truth to Peter–saying “Get behind me, Satan.” This was because Peter brought to light the very real temptation for Jesus to walk away from his calling–which is, to love God’s people to the point of torture and death. Jesus recognized Peter as a stumbling block, an obstacle barring the path toward caring for the least of these. At the beginning of our chapter today the disciples come to Jesus asking the age old question: “who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” -They want to know how they measure up. -They want to know if they’ll be rewarded in heaven for following in Jesus’ footsteps. -They want to know if Peter is still Jesus’ rock or is someone else given the keys after all the Satan talk?...
It’s in response to this question, that Jesus calls over a child and says to the disciples, ‘become like this child–powerless, vulnerable, humble and then you can enter the kingdom of heaven.’ Children in ancient times were not revered or valued in the same way they are today. Jesus is saying to the disciples: take on the nature of one who is fully dependent on me, on God’s grace, and be willing to welcome those who don’t benefit you in any way–this is the way.
Jesus says if even a ‘part of your body gets in the way of a little one–a vulnerable, dependent child of God, if anyone hurts their spirit or doesn’t hold their faith with care, it is better to cut off that part of the body and throw it away. This is a stark metaphor. Just as Paul talks about the body of Christ in Corinthians, this is Jesus making sure the disciples and us know how important everyone is to God–that all matter and none should be left out of God’s love and grace.
The next part that comes right before our reading for today is the parable of the lost sheep. He says, if a shepherd has 100 sheep and one goes astray–does he not leave the 99 and go search for the one? So God wills it that not one of these little ones should be lost. This is the set up for our reading today. The sin that occurs can be a sin in general or it can be against someone–personal or communal–no matter what, Jesus calls us to do the hard work of regaining the one. The work of reconciliation.
To do this, Jesus gives us a flowchart for managing conflict in our individual lives and in the community in our gospel today. There are 4 steps to this process:
Step 1: Matthew writes: “If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.” Notice how it doesn’t say, “if you and this other person agree, you have regained the one” It simply says, “if you are listened to.” In this model for conflict resolution Jesus gives us the freedom to simply try to be heard and to hear another, first and foremost--because in the simple act of hearing someone, there is potential for repentance and reconciliation.
I think it is fair to say that many of us don’t even get through step one without a struggle, myself included. In this age of texts and emails or posts on social media, we can overanalyze things and instead of confronting the person, we fret and triangulate. Minor moments can become larger and more daunting when we speak through other people or build things up in our minds. This is all compounded when we’re already stressed.
Our vision and our fuses become narrow and short. We react instead of pausing and taking stock in the situation.
This first step can be the hardest. It takes recognizing there is an issue and having the courage to go to the person and confront them in love. Every time this gospel comes up it feels like a good refresher for how to handle conflicts. It makes me think of a wise and simple rule of thumb I learned about a few years ago from Rev. Emily Davis–the Pinch rule:---I’m sure some, if not all of you, have heard of this conflict resolution tool.
Has anyone ever offended you and you wanted to say something right away but you waited and it got worse? Me too, all the time.
The pinch rule says if a person pinches you- upsets you, offends you, hurts you in some way, you have 24 hours to tell that person they have hurt you, and explain why.
This window of time gives you an opportunity to express yourself; but if you wait longer than 24 hours to confront the person; then you’re also at fault in the conflict and it can be more important for you to deal with your own issues than it is for the other person to adjust to you since you waited and did not address it early on. The key is addressing the conflict as soon as possible.
It’s simple and common sense, but simple common sense doesn’t always win out when our emotions are part of the mix. I’m guilty of this as well.
The pinch rule is enacted in the first step; If step 1 doesn’t work, we continue the flow chart, and see steps 2 and 3:
Only if steps 1-3 aren’t successful do we say: “let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”
What does that mean? What do we have to do? Gentiles and tax collectors were considered outside the faith, outside the fold. Well, we’re all gentiles as we’re not first and foremost a part of the Jewish faith. And if we follow Jesus’ journey so far, he expanded his ministry to include gentiles; he also called a tax collector as his disciple. Jesus regularly ate and spent time with gentiles and tax collectors. He did not let them go–he continued to pursue them with goodness and mercy.
So even if someone refuses to listen we continue to include them, continue to stay connected. It goes a bit further than agreeing to disagree but it’s accepting and loving the person for who they are and where they’re at--and continuing to do the hard work of loving one another; Of having the difficult conversations, of putting energy into one another. Still, Jesus does not condone abuse or other forms of oppression. Maintaining relationships at the detriment of ourselves is not encouraged. In family systems theory one of the main concepts is “self differentiation.”
The concept says we strive to be a true self on our own; outside of the collective of our families, our communities, our relationships--we keep healthy boundaries and work to know where we end and another begins. But we also strive to stay connected--to maintain our functioning as a self without cutting off from people when things get difficult.
This is what I keep in mind when I hear this flow chart of reconciliation.
Only if steps 1-3 aren’t successful do we say: “let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”
What does that mean? What do we have to do? Gentiles and tax collectors were considered outside the faith, outside the fold. Well, we’re all gentiles as we’re not first and foremost a part of the Jewish faith. And if we follow Jesus’ journey so far, he expanded his ministry to include gentiles; he also called a tax collector as his disciple. Jesus regularly ate and spent time with gentiles and tax collectors. He did not let them go–he continued to pursue them with goodness and mercy.
So even if someone refuses to listen we continue to include them, continue to stay connected. It goes a bit further than agreeing to disagree but it’s accepting and loving the person for who they are and where they’re at--and continuing to do the hard work of loving one another; Of having the difficult conversations, of putting energy into one another. Still, Jesus does not condone abuse or other forms of oppression. Maintaining relationships at the detriment of ourselves is not encouraged. In family systems theory one of the main concepts is “self differentiation.”
The concept says we strive to be a true self on our own; outside of the collective of our families, our communities, our relationships--we keep healthy boundaries and work to know where we end and another begins. But we also strive to stay connected--to maintain our functioning as a self without cutting off from people when things get difficult.
This is what I keep in mind when I hear this flow chart of reconciliation.
At the end of this gospel today we hear the famous, “where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.” We’ve heard this before and probably quote it to each other as a comforting thing. And it is a hope-filled statement; it reminds us that God is with us, encouraging us as we struggle in community; we are not alone as we do this tough work of being in relationship with one another.
Yet, we may not think about the original context when we say it--that Jesus was talking about how where two or three are gathered even in Jesus’ name, there is bound to be conflict! The church is not devoid of conflict. Hardly. But Jesus is among us; right in the thick of it. Guiding us, holding us, reminding us of each other’s intrinsic value. And not all conflict is bad; conflict can be necessary to move, to shift, to evolve, to grow. It’s listening to one another in the midst of conflict that can prove to be the most difficult part. In a time when the art of listening to each other is all but lost, we can be reminded that love starts with listening.
I find this whole gospel and the last line especially important for us in this time and place--when things we say and do can be misinterpreted so quickly; when it's simpler to cut off from one another, to block someone out of our lives because we disagree about something. It’s important to do our best to stay connected. To remember the gentiles and tax collectors and how Jesus welcomes all into the fold--he does not force them to agree--but he pursues them with love.
I also think of Luther’s explanation of the 8th commandment in the Small Catechism. The 8th commandment being: You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
When we interpret everything our neighbor does in the best possible light rather than assuming sinister intent, we are far more likely to speak with them honestly about the conflict between us. Seeing Christ in our neighbor also means encountering his light and love in them.2
Thank God that Jesus is in it with us, always. In our inevitable conflicts with each other, with our communities, with larger systems, Jesus is there among us; teaching us how to listen to one another as the first step towards reconciliation---and next week he teaches us how to forgive.
Thank goodness we have a God who comes too close for comfort, who helps us know how to live in community with each other, and gives us the gift of true life, in Jesus’ name. Amen. 2 From Amanda L. Highben, Sundays and Seasons Preaching resources; 2023.
